I'm Not All Right

I have felt a strong connection to this song this past week and it has helped me begin to get through a really tough situation. Thought I would share, since I really don't feel like blogging.

I'm not All Right by Sanctus Real:

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall

I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I’m not all right
I’m broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when I’m open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on

Honestly, I’m not that strong

And I move closer to you

I’m not all right…that’s why I need you

I finally got all my pictures off my camera...

And here's some of my favorites:

What Maggie Roo is Up To...and more Menus!!!

Well, it happened. She started crawling. One day she managed to put everything together and took two full crawling "steps". After that, it was all over. It has been probably a week and a half since those first steps, and in that week and a half, Maggie stopped being a baby. Seriously. She is so different. She now crawls very fast, pulls herself up on everything, and is standing so well. She stand for as long as she wants just holding onto a fingertip or barely using furniture for balance. Her talking has also picked up a lot, especially "Mama". For the last few days, she has followed me around, saying "Mama" very clearly. If I leave the room, she calls out "Mama!" and is right at my heels. It is so incredibly cute. She is eating a lot of table food and does really well. I am so proud of her! She is fearless and adventurous and brave, and she picks things up really fast. I am seriously wondering when she is going to walk. I think she would love it..but I hope it isn't too early. I always thought it would be around a year. Maybe it still will be. That's about 3 1/2 months away. What's your guess? When will she her first step? June? July? August? My guess is July 8, so it could be an anniversary present.
She is also saying "Dada", which is so cute. Her hair is really starting to grow, which is great. Hopefully in a few months I can put some clips in it or make a little ponytail.

There is something else about Maggie I want people to fully understand...Indulge me for a moment.
Her eyes are so beautiful! Really.
I always thought our kids would have brown eyes. Mark had mistakenly told me that there were only brown eyes throughout both sides of his family. And I thought that with my brown eyes and my family's "dark eyes only" thing going on, we were destined to have brown-eyed children. After Maggie was born, we started really thinking about it and realized that there are lots of light eyes in Mark's family. And really, my eyes aren't brown. They're more...gold. Honestly. I'll try to post a pic sometime. So anyways, the point is, Maggie somehow has green/hazel eyes with those long, black lashes. Green eyes weren't even in the realm of possibility, I thought. They are so gorgeous. She is just truly beautiful. And basically, I want the world to know that. Haha.

Oh Yeah, I appreciate everyone's comments on the dinner challenge post! I love to talk about food and cooking, and have decided to make it a much bigger part of my blog. Look for lots more posts on the subject! I did make those short ribs and they were SO GOOD!! It was a little time consuming, but seriously delicious. Definitely a new family favorite. The recipe is posted a few posts down.

Sorry it took so long to post the newest menu. Here's what we ate last week (I even make the menus ahead of time, and a calendar just for planning the meals!):

Sunday,May 4-Grilled thin pork shops, rice pilaf, apple sauce, baked carrots, yeast rolls
Monday-Chicken Parmesan, spaghetti, salad
Tuesday-Chicken casserole with leftover chicken, cornbread, zucchini
Wednesday-Um...Hamburger helper again..once again with organic beef and veggies. It's my culinary dirty secret.
Thursday-Tuna Melts, tomato soup
Friday-Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, grilled corn, asparagus

We were sick Friday-Sunday and I didn't really make dinner during the weekend.

Monday: BBQ pork ribs, potato salad, corn on the cob, baked beans, cornbread
Tuesday: Grilled chicken breasts, brown rice, yellow squash, yeast rolls
Wednesday (tonight): Mark and Maggie picked up Chinese food! Yum!

I also made a couple full on breakfasts this past week, with eggs, sausage, hash browns and toast. One night I made homemade doughnuts for dessert. I also baked a chocolate cake one night. But I brought that over to my Mom's. Yep, everybody's tummys are pretty happy around here!

I'll post the next menu next week!

My Sweet Baby...

I have about 100 pictures stuck on my camera right now. I can't find the connector cord to upload the pictures. Ugh! I am going to try using someone else's Cannon cord soon, and if that doesn't work, I'll have to find out where to buy a replacement. Anyways, I have been taking some pictures on my phone, so I have a few to share:

Mark shaved off his goatee and Maggie is discovering his "new" face:


Maggie crawling:


Maggie loving her finger foods:


Maggie had a well baby appointment on Monday. She weighed 18 lbs, 12 oz and is 26 1/2 inches long. She got her hemoglobin tested and she is low in iron and is going to be taking an iron supplement for a while. Other than that, she is perfect (but I know that already!)

Character

Character is like all I think about now. It is on my mind constantly. Do I have good character? Not always. Do I want good character? Of course? What is character? Dictionary. com defines it as the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing. I think of it more like this: How are you living your life? Do you do what you say you will do? Are you trustworthy, reliable, honest and do you have goals?
Sometimes I feel like I have bad character. And actually, I know that I do. And I get so frustrated with myself. Thoughts run through my head, over and over again. "Why didn't I call her right back?", or "Why did I just withhold the truth?" or "I really should have gone to that prayer meeting/Bible Study/whatever else I had planned". Sometimes the guilt and heaviness of this weighs me down and threatens to just suck me into depression. I constantly think of the verse "There is no guilt or condemnation in Christ Jesus" but then I of the verse "What is life? It is but a vapor". I try to find a balance in everything. I don't have to work for salvation, but there will be a day when I face the Lord. I want Him to say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And that begins with character.
Right now, God is forming my character. And I feel Him doing it. It hurts sometimes. Sometimes I know I have missed the mark, and I want to give up becuase I feel like such a loser. I feel like banging my head against the table because just don't understand why I behave a certain way. But sometimes, I just submit and allow the Holy Spirit to shine through me. In those moments, I have incredible peace and joy.
I know what I'm missing. Prayer. Yes, I pray...but not like I use to. I used to pray constantly throghout the day, asking for strength and guidance. I would pray fervently for other people, and I always turned to prayer whenever anything would happen. Sometime in the last year or so...I lost the passion I had for prayer. I didn't do it on purpose, but day after day, I guess I allowed other things t take over. I could have a million excuses, but who wants to hear those? I just allowed something to happen that should have never happened.
So, now...here I am. I'm struggling sometimes, but I have a goal. And I have a means to get there. This is my process, and I see the other side. God is in control. He is molding me, changing me into the woman He created me to be.

The Dinner Challenge

I love to cook. It's one of my favorite things to do, and I spend a lot of my down time reading cookbooks, watching any program food related (Top Chef is the only TV show I watch every week), and of course, actually cooking.
When Maggie was born, I basically stopped cooking and we started eating out...a lot. I would say I probably cooked one day a week. Basically, we had trouble keeping our very small, cramped kitchen clean. When I say small, I mean room for one person. I would compare it to a ship's galley. We just had way too much stuff, and I just couldn't cook in there any more. Too many dishes, too many utensils, just TOO MUCH. So we did the unthinkable and got rid of almost everything. Now we have four cups, four plates, four bowls, four sets of utensils, and a very basic set of pots and pans and cooking utensils. But, I love it! It forces me to be creative and it also forces us to wash dishes daily, which is another thing we struggled with.
So, anyways, that brings me to the dinner challenge. Exactly a week ago, on last Thursday, I finished cleaning the kitchen and reorganizing it. We went grocery shopping and stocked up on all sorts of foods. And then I came up with the challenge: We must eat at home every night this week, except for Monday, when we were meeting our cell groups for Pizza. If we wanted to get together with friends any other night that week, we would have to invite them over. Well, it's been a week and we made it!
It has seriously changed our lives to eat at home, and for me to prepare meals every night. Maggie now eats dinner with us every night, and she loves it. It just feels right, like we are so much more of a family. We sit around our dining room table (previously occupied by lots of clutter) and enjoy talking and eating. My whole house is being seriously cleaned and it is undergoing a major transformation. I have been getting rid of so much stuff we don't need, but mostly putting thing into storage. Maggie has outgrown a lot of stuff that was taking up precious space, so off to storage it goes!

Here's the dinners I prepared last week (as much as I can remember):

Thursday-Steaks on the BBQ, homemade french fries, grilled squash, grilled asparagus marinated in lemon olive oil, sauteed mushrooms, cut up fruit, and salad. (This was a dinner with a few of Mark's family and my brother)

Friday-Roasted Pork tenderloin, sweet potato mash, mushroom gravy, peas.

Saturday- Hamburger helper...LOL. At least it was made with organic beef and had lots of veggies in it.

Sunday-We both just forged for ourselves and ate leftovers.

Monday-Pizza out with our cell groups.

Tuesday-"Stromboli" pastrami sandwiches. Basically, I took homemade pizza dough, and made a kind of large pizza pocket with onions, pastrami, red peppers and swiss cheese. I coated it with ranch dressing (the ranch sounds gross, but it's a secret I learned working at Round Table Pizza). They were so, so good. If you like pastrami sandwiches, you have to try it! I served those with sauteed zuchinni.

Wednesday- Taco Night.

This upcoming week:

Tonight-Hamburgers with Mark's second cousins who are 2 and 4 (or 5?). I'm going to make my homemade french fries again.

Tomorrow-I'm making this recipe:

Bistro-Style Short Ribs Recipe courtesy Tyler Florence, 2007

Short ribs:
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 pounds short ribs, in 1 long piece or at least in pairs
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 medium onion, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 large tomato, quartered
3 ribs celery
1/2 head garlic, peeled
1/4 bunch fresh thyme
1 1/2 cups dry red wine
2 cups low-sodium, organic beef stock
4 tablespoons chopped flat-leaf parsley

Preheat a cast iron grill or outdoor grill.
Season the short ribs with salt and pepper, drizzle with a little extra-virgin olive oil, and brown on all sides.

Place the onion, garlic, celery, carrot, and tomato into a food processor and blend until you reach a consistent, smooth pulp.

Take a large Dutch oven and place over medium-high heat. Add a 3-count of extra-virgin olive oil and add the thyme to infuse the oil. Next add the vegetable pulp, season with salt and pepper, to taste, and cook for about 10 minutes. Pour in the red wine and stock and bring it to a boil. Using tongs take the ribs and nestle them into the braising mix; the liquid should just about cover the meat. Place the lid loosely on top, reduce heat to a simmer and cook until the meat is very tender, approximately 2 1/2 to 3 hours.

When the ribs are about finished, remove about 1 to 2 cups of liquid and strain into a small saucepan over medium-high heat. Heat the sauce until slightly reduced and thickened, about 5 minutes.

I've never made short ribs before, but my mom used to and I wanted to try it for my family.

Also on the menu in the upcoming week:
Bratwurst (Mark's request..I usually simmer these in beer and onions and then grill them)
Pork Chops (almost always baked)
Chicken (we usually eat a lot chicken..I think we'll barbecue this week)
Spaghetti and meatballs
We also have a lot of nice steaks in the freezer...

So, yeah. Did you guys enjoy reading my menu? If I get any responses, I'll make it a weekly thing!