Highest Weight: 250
Starting Weight: 238 (03/20/13)
Weight Last Week: 213.5
Current Weight: 211
Yep, I lost 2 1/2 pounds this week! That means not only have I reached a milestone of 25 pounds gone, but I surpassed it and have lost a total of 27 pounds! I am more than a quarter of my way to my goal, which is so motivating.
My BMI has dropped from 41.2 to 36.2. I'm still medically obese, and will only enter the "overweight" category when I reach about 172 pounds. My ultimate goal is to no longer be considered overweight, which for my height, will happen when I get to 140 pounds. It seemed so daunting and basically impossible when I started 3 months ago, but I have no doubt that I will keeping going until I'm healthy.
I'm still running a lot and loving it more and more. It's hard and I hate it, but I love it. I seriously get butterflies in my stomach every time before I run because I know how hard it is going to be, and how much I'll want to stop. The beginning is the worst and I spend the first mile always fighting the voice that is like, "This suuuuucks!" After the first mile, I am warmed up and mentally in the game. I ran four miles last night, which was difficult but I felt amazing when I got home.
I love running because it is something I could never do. I hated it, it hurt, I was slow and I couldn't run for long without needing to stop. I started to run not because I thought it would be fun or because I liked it all, I started to run because I wanted to prove to myself that I could be whoever I wanted to be. I wanted to conquer one of my biggest fears and embarrassments and to know that I was capable of big change.
Running has changed the way I look at myself. I'm a runner. I'm a slow, still-fat* runner, but I'm a runner. I get compliments yelled to me almost every time I go for a run. Last night, I was running at an elementary school track, and two teachers were standing outside, chatting during my entire 45 minute run. When I started to head home and ran past them (still running,of course) one of the ladies said, "You are a rockstar!! Seriously, that is so awesome. You go, girl!"
Sometimes, the comments startle me or even maybe annoy me sometimes, but this one just made me so happy. I love when people are so surprised that I run and run for a pretty long time. It's reminds me that I'm doing something a lot of people don't choose to do, and I'm doing it with about 70 pounds of excess weight. I can't even imagine how nice it will be to run when I'm not carrying around this weight!
I'm slow. I can run a mile straight through, and I can do it in about 11:45 seconds if I push myself. If I run longer, like the 4 miles I did yesterday, my pace goes to about 13:30 a mile, which includes intervals of walking after I complete mile 1 and mile 2. I am hoping to get my 5K race pace under 39 minutes, which I think is realistic considering it is three weeks away.
*Fat. Let's talk about that word. I hate that word, and I love that word.
I have always identified with the word. I'm not curvy, I'm not big, I'm not just chubby...I've got a lot of extra fat and I'm fat. I was afraid of the word my whole life and I was always, ALWAYS afraid that someone would call me that. And they did.
Then, I decided that I didn't care. To me, it's not a big deal to call myself fat. I am. That doesn't mean I hate myself or my body. It means that I have accepted my body for what it is and taken the power away from the word. I took the seemingly endless power away from the scale when I stopped acting like my weight is this big secret that could never be revealed.
To me, calling myself fat does not mean I'm not beautiful. One three letter word doesn't compete with the other words I use to describe myself- determined, committed, happy, beautiful, athletic, even sexy. I understand others might disagree, but fat, for me, represents truth and acceptance and a chance to really look at when my choices are doing to my body.
Well, time for this fat runner to get going! I have a super busy week ahead of me, starting tomorrow. We're going camping (childless!) for the weekend with a group of our good friends. When we return home, one of my best friends (for the last 20+ years!) and her kids will be staying with us for three nights. I am so excited!